i've never been perfect

Matthew 5:48 But you are to be perfect, even as your Father in heaven is perfect.

this verse always throws me off.
perfect ...flawless ...superlative ...accomplished... absolute ...faultless ...finished ...ideal ...bleh!

sometimes i feel so unprepared and unskilled to live life.  i wonder if there are cells missing from my brain that cause me to be able to finish things.  whether i poop out, quit, or shut down-well, I'm not sure. completing the task would seem to be the perfect thing to do. but one more time i fall short of perfection.

this weekend, tony headed out for his fall camping trip. he loves to sleep outside, walk in the wondrous color of the trees, admire the stars, & cook over the fire.  i decided that i would attack my office and get it organized while he is away filling up on creation.  yesterday, i started to move bins out into the hallway. i emptied my filing cabinets-the drawers stick. i put up some file bins on some shelves. then i looked around and realized this organizing technique would work for a lot of my piles of stuff, so i put up another shelf.  28 hours later, i don't want to do this anymore. there are still bins in the hallway. the empty filing cabinets are in the bedroom, there is stuff to load in the truck for the dumpster and tony is coming home tomorrow. for the record, i did not spend the entire 28 hours in this room...i had other things to work on, too.

i find myself getting negative and desperate with my self talk. i am reminded that this above listed verse is not just about being perfect like God is...it is a verse that speaks to the previous verses of loving your neighbor and your enemies. Jesus is saying to love others like God loves them. The other stuff we get focused on gets us out of balance.

Sometimes i can be my own worst enemy. i know to watch my self talk. i know to put on music when i get overwhelmed and discouraged. i know to reach out to a friend and ask for help...but i don't. thankfully, i get the chance to get a little more perfect tomorrow and the next day and the next day.

when you feel like you don't measure up, for whatever reason...don't look at the pile of what is left (which i would like to refer to as the old me)...look at the work that has been done (which i would like to refer to as the new me).


we are all a work in progress. let's work together to make tomorrow a little more perfect than today! a little more sublime, superb, & splendid! (yes, i know how to use the thesaurus!)

I'm thankful for the drumsticks

Saturday August 25 was Tony & my 17th wedding anniversary. I am thankful for the life we have built and the adventure we are on.

I met Tony on a January Sunday in 1994. It was a very informal introduction by a mutual friend, Al. I was not looking for a date...I had been pretty discouraged with dating and had taken a year off from dating. No problem.

Then in late November Tony showed up at Heart Reach for Super Kids. Al asked him to play drums for our music set. Tony looked around and could find no drumsticks. He told me he would get me some. I didn't really believe him. Many made promises and never followed through.

3 days later, there was a knock on the office door. Tony was standing there holding a bouquet of drumsticks. He said, "some guys bring candy. Some bring flowers but I brought you drumsticks." Then he asked if I would go out with him sometime. I said yes.

Later when I thought about it, that date was a year to the day I made a commitment to take a year off from dating. I am thankful for the timing if God.

This is why I'm thankful for the drumsticks!

10 focused on the giants & 2 remembered the promise

Long ago I promised the ancestors of Israel that I would give this land to their descendants. So be strong and brave! Be careful to do everything my servant Moses taught you. Never stop reading The Book of the Law he gave you. Day and night you must think about what it says. If you obey it completely, you and Israel will be able to take this land. (JOSHUA 1:6 CEV)

Recently I've been struggling with the places I know I'm supposed to serve. There have been trials and battles and roadblocks. I know I am supposed to hang in there and be obedient. Sometimes it's just so hard.

Last night I got to engage in a worship service where the point were to hear God's direction, be obedient and He would do the impossible. I so very much want to see God change lives all around me! So I made a new commitment that no matter what happens around me I will be obedient to what He has asked me to.

A friend came to pray with me and give an encouraging word-remember when the 12 spies went to the promised land-12 saw giants and 2 decided to look also at what God promised. They still saw the giants but they didn't focus in them. They focused on the promise of God.

Then today's verse of the day came up, which just happens to be my life verse, which is listed above. It is the matching orders given by God to Joshua to enter the Promised Land-be strong and courageous wherever you go!

I will focus on the promise not the giant! Thank you God!

3 month checkup on Tuesday

hide and seek, here I come...come out come out where ever you are...where is my phone...who left this mess...all statements I've heard regarding looking for something or someone. the first two take me back to summer nights of hide and seek. the last two...well, we've all been there :)

three months ago, I sat at the surgeon's office waiting for some results. I had found 3 lumps in my breast and had the typical procedure done.  Doctor looked at me at eye level and said "the report was not showing anything out of the ordinary, but I want you to come in for 3 month ultrasounds for a while so that when it shows up we can deal with it quickly".....blank stare from me..."do you have any questions?", he asked. "uh...hmmm...you didn't see anything out of the ordinary?"..."the report does not show anything at this time. we just want to make sure we catch it right away when it shows up."

I was not expecting to hear something like that from a doctor-a good report, but yet we'll be watching for the bad one. I walked away from this one a little dazed. I deal with medical issues every day. I've never had a doctor tell me we'll be watching so that when the problem arises, we'll get it. It is usually dealing with it once there is a problem.

Now, I only told a couple of people about the doc's comments about getting it when it shows up. I didn't feel I should make myself a terminal case. People look at you different when you tell them stuff like this.  But I started to think how good it is that doc has this outlook.  He and I are just getting to know each other.

How often do we get involved in relationships that we don't keep our eyes open so that when something shows up, we can deal with it quickly? Don't we tend to keep our mouths shut and then find ourselves talking about it to others or condemning them when it gets out of hand? When Jesus said to "love one another" I think He wanted us to care enough about those around us to help each other out of trouble before we get there.

so to sum this up-start talking to those in your life about what is happening and how it affects life...if someone talks to you about you, let your pride have a 10 minute break and really look at the situation...and decide to love each other even if you choose to disagree!

btw, there is a history of breast cancer in my family, I do have some of the markers on the checklist. But, I'm not worried about this. I am treating it like anything else in my life-trusting God. Everything is possible with God-Mark 10:27

royal family kids epiphany

Royal Family Kids, RFK, is a not for profit organization that provides opportunities for kids in the foster care system. These kids may be shuffled through different homes and centers throughout the years. It's a rough life for children to have to live because the adults in their lives make poor choices or leave them.

Last year, I had the privilege to serve as the teacher, which is the equivalent of being the speaker of the camp. There were some guidelines I needed to be sure to follow, but it was very similar to other camps or retreats I have ministered at.  I really enjoyed my time with these kids and team members.  When I was asked if I would consider doing it again, I quickly smiled and said "Yes!"

Today, when the kids pulled up in the buses and the team cheered for them as they planted on the campground, I was overwhelmed with the thought of how these kids are an unreached people group in our communities.

All foster care homes or centers are not designed for the benefit for the child. All foster parents are not equipped for reaching these bruised children. All foster care providers do not have a Jesus centered life.  My grandmother was a foster child. Her mother died when she was young and her father put her in an orphanage. I don't quite understand why this was the case because she had older brothers and sisters who could have taken care of her.  But she had the blessing of being placed in a Jesus centered foster home where she learned to play the piano, went to worship on Sundays with her "family" and was taken care of to the best of their abilities.

As I looked into the eyes of these kids, I wondered if they will be able to overcome the emotional upheaval in their lives if Jesus doesn't intervene so very soon.  This is where Royal Family Kids comes in.  I have a dream....

I'd like to see us sponsor the Royal Family Kids life for Mahoning County foster care kids! This is an amazing opportunity for the "big brother/big sister" concept to happen once a month and once a year kids could get away from the angst of life and just be a kid for 5 days!  Let's really take the concept of pastoring our community and reach into these kids lives with the love of Jesus.

We talk about living in community, but it's a different level to reach into a culture that is foreign to us. Let's love on some kids and their foster families. Let's live authentically and feed the orphans and widows.  It will take time , people, and money-the big three, but I believe this is from the heart of God.

I can't wait to see what happens through this week for the kids and for me! I know I won't leave this place the same as I got here...that's the way I like it!

Jesus, help us to see something outside of our regular life, friends, and family. Let us see into the eyes of young soul with the insight you see. Let us give of ourselves and change the world for you. Amen.

a tribute to my godmother, Lynn Alfano

I found out that my godmother, Lynn Alfano, passed away this week. I haven't had contact for a while with her or the family. Life gets so very busy & I always think I'll get to it and then it's too late. I can't live in a mindset of regret, but I will try to pick up the pace with the others on my heart.

Lynn & Phil came into my parent's life when my dad & Phil served in the national guard. I chuckle at the thought of them in uniform & with guns. These guys are both such sweethearts (at least this is the side I choose to think of).  The four of them have been friends for 50 years.  I don't know details of their adventures together. I'm sure there are some epic stories, though.

I don't remember the day of my holy baptism, as I was a baby, but the pictures show Lynn, in a red suit and hat, holding me on the steps of the church. There's just something so sweet about it. If I understand it correctly, the godparents make a pledge to aid in the spiritual upbringing of the child. She had no idea how this pledge would be lived out.

We would sit in front of their house for fireworks every July 17. Their house was at the base of the hill. Cinders would fall on the sidewalk next to us from the fireworks. You could feel the "BOOM" underneath you. It was awesome!

We were invited into their family. We would go to their home for Sunday dinner, a full blown Italian dinner. I was a backward, insecure kid who didn't like pasta & sauce. Lynn was so very sweet to me. She would get me a bowl of cereal, never commenting to me how much I was missing out or how odd I was. She would smile at me at the table. Through these gestures, she showed me how important it is to care for your family.  At my bridal shower, she gave me a crock pot. I really do think of her everytime I get it out of the cupboard. I have made my husband many meals that show care for him that I think she would approve of, although hers would be so much better. She was an amazing cook.

Oh, she loved her family so very much! She cheered them on to be the best they could be. She cared for the generation before and the generations to follow. My mom uses the word "selfless" to describe her.

I might see her a couple times a year and her greeting was always the same, "Hi Lor!" with a smile.  She smiled through it all in her closed mouth smile and nod of the head.

The one great gift I will always be grateful for is the gift of my spiritual growth. I was in early elementary school. Lynn & Phil invited my parents to make a Curseo weekend at church. They were so very excited about it. My dad went. Then my mom. This event was life changing for all involved. The life change was to make a personal investment in your relationship with God.  By realizing Jesus is our Savior and we can have constant relationship with God because of Jesus, we are empowered to follow Jesus daily. It's a little different than just a reverence of God. It's a relationship with God.

This invitation to my parents changed the course of my life forever. I am sold out to following Jesus in all I do. I felt God call me to a vocational service of ministry.

I thank God for you, Lynn. I know that I haven't seen you in a while, but there is a part of you that lives on in me every single day! I look forward to seeing you again!

Happy birthday Bobby

Today is the day my cousin Bob would celebrate as his birthday. His name was always on the birthday cake with our cousin, Kevin, whose birthday was july 4. We always celebrated it at my Uncle Bob's house, his grandpa.

We called Uncle Bob's house, Dill's Park. Uncle Bob made a sign that said member's only. One time, Uncle Bob said someone asked him how they could become a member (insert chuckle here)! There were always lots of people there from all sides of the fame, along with lots of friends.

Those family get togethers are such good memories! I've missed them lately. It seems the times I see my family the most is at funerals. There have been 3 this year. One of them was Bob's.

His body wore out in 40 years. It is hard not to see his smile or give me a bear hug when he comes my way.

I remember when he was a freshman in high school he let me know about some upperclassmen who were teasing him. I said I'd take care of it. I told those boys he was my family & to lay off. I'm sure this is the closest I've ever felt to a big sister.

I remember sneaking beer with him when we were too young to drink it. I remember talking to him about the realization that I couldn't stop drinking once I started and needed to quit completely. When he came to that same realization he talked to me about it.

Bob knew he was on my "love list". He would call every so often & tell me how things were going and i would pray with him for strength and courage to make it through to next part of his journey.

I say all of this to say, I miss you Bob. You left an impression on me that will continue to change me for the rest of my days.

someone called me lazy today

la·zy [ láyzee ] 1.not wanting to work: unwilling to do any work or make an effort  2.conducive to idleness: contributing to an unwillingness to work or make an effort  3.slow: moving slowly  Synonyms: indolent, idle, lethargic, languid, sluggish, slothful

Someone called me lazy today.  Me...lazy?  I don't think so.  I'm pretty sure it's because I didn't want to do what their idea was, but none the less....I was called lazy.  I haven't been called lazy since I was a self absorbed teenager.

But as I think on this absurd idea, I do see some places to be a little more productive in my journey...

     1. I don't talk to my neighbors as often as I should. I get home from my tasks of the day and shut down far too often.  I'll work a little harder at shifting my thoughts from work to friend.

     2. I don't pray for others immediately when I hear about their request. I put it off until my regularly scheduled prayer time. When I'm not thinking of myself and what I have on my to do list, I pray for others on the spot. I want to be more of an encourager.

     3. I don't get up from the chair to greet Tony when he walks through the door from his day. All he is asking for is an up close and personal hello from me. I will not let my state of mind take precedence over caring for him.

   4.  I don't call my long distance friends as often as I think of them. I miss them so very much, but don't let them know I still want them in my life as much as ever. Facebook & email just doesn't do it like hearing their voice & seeing their name on the caller id.

     5. I don't look at my dream list as often as I should. Sometimes I just go with the flow instead of pursuing the next step to reaching a dream.

Colossians 3:23-Whatever you do, do with it all your heart, as working for Lord and not for men.

flashback....

Sometimes I have really vivid flashbacks in my mind. I feel like I've been transported in a time machine...the smell  Grandpa Gallo's aftershave, Grandpa Landgraff having perfect timing of turning the volume up and down on the commercials during Paul Harvey broadcasts, the smell of pizzelles from great Aunt Margaret, the bouquet of drum sticks tony handed me when he asked me out on a date...funny how real everything can seem in the flashback moment.

Thursday, I was at the network conference evening service. I snuck in to sit with some great friends. The worship list was a mix of new and old songs..the last one was an oldie...I Exalt Thee.  Wow!

I was instantly transported back to 1983 Open Bible youth camp. We learned this chorus at that camp. I went to that camp because I wanted to get out of my house for a week, but something amazing happened there. In one of the evening sessions of that camp, I found myself in a conversation with God regarding who He wanted me to be and do. I have recalled this experience over the years, but Thursday I was sitting on the floor of that open air pavilion in my red & blue cotton dress. It was like being in a time machine. I felt God reminding me that I belong to Him and that He has a job for me to share His love with everyone around me. He released me from mistakes I've made in the past and empowered me to move forward in His presence and passion.

As I was transported back to 2012, God continued to speak to me without breaking the momentum. He said what was true then is just as true now. Make a difference in My world! Stay true to Me. Don't get off course. You have no idea of what I want to do through you!

I'm so grateful for renewal and refreshing. I'm thankful for the flashback and for today! With all the changes happening around me, I am reassured of who I am and what I am to become.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart. Lean not on your own understanding.

In all your ways submit to Him and He will make your paths straight.

Proverbs 3:5-6

change of diagnosis

Proverbs 3:5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart;  do not depend on your own understanding.

I really love my dad. When I was a kid, he would spend time with me intentionally. He tried to instill in me the basics of giving and serving. He took me to a community wide food giveaway. We would fill boxes & deliver them to families in our town. He wanted to teach me the concept of tithing, so he gave me my $1 allowance in 3 quarters, 2 dimes & a nickel. He would sit with me on Saturday afternoons while I tried to memorize my Sunday school memory verse, so he could learn it, too!

I noticed a difference in him about 15 years ago. He didn't remember things as well as he always did. He was only in his late 50's. No reason this should be happening, but I noticed it.

About 5 years ago, the doctor handed my mom literature on Alzheimer's Disease. Whoa! This was serious. He handled it so well. He wanted us to go to the meetings at the Alzheimer's Association to learn all we could. He said this disease wasn't going to affect him. It was really going to affect all of us. His intentionality blew me away!

He got on the good drugs to try to keep the disease from rapidly progressing. He faithfully visited his doctors to evaluate his situation.

Last week, his doctor said there had been no change in his condition in these five years and wanted to change the diagnosis from Alzheimer's Disease to vascular dementia. I'm pretty sure the end result is very similar, but the journey to the end is a little easier to think about.

There are many times in our lives that we give our situation a prognosis & a name. We get a little hopeless, live in denial & get depressed. We think about what we won't have instead of what we do.  Trust in the Lord. He sees the big picture of what is happening. He gives us the prognosis of get up every day and love me with all your heart...and love others like yourself.

Don't worry about the title, name or what you think you know is going to happen. Fall into the arms of Jesus & remember He's always been there & will continue to be intentional in your life. You're Dad really loves you!

ch ch ch changes!

2 Timothy 4:2

 Preach the word of God. Be prepared, whether the time is favorable or not. Patiently correct, rebuke, and encourage your people with good teaching.

These last months have been a wild ride! I'm learning to let go of who I used to be...Be confident in who I am today....Looking forward with joy toward tomorrow!

Tony will be starting a new job in the middle of the month. He wasn't pursuing a change, but a great opportunity came his way. I am so happy for him. He works so hard and diligently at his job. He does it as unto the Lord. He does it with integrity and sincerity. I love that part of him!

He was sharing his many many thoughts with me the other day and he looked at me, with tears in his eyes and said, "God is blessing me because of you." Boy, this made me sit back and smile. He was so affirming me in what I am doing with my life. I waited 16 years to hear this precious message! It was priceless.

I've recently made a change, too. I'm taking a roll in our family ministry at church. I'll keep on doing all I do in the local schools. But I'm going to get to develop a team and work with them to help our families be the greatest places for kids to experience God's love!  I love kidmin! But family ministry (fammin) makes my heart beat hard.

Our home life is going to go through changes. Tony is changing from 4 10 hour days to 5 8 hour days. I'm changing from 20 hours to many many more! Somehow, the laundry and grocery shopping will be done. We may have to eat pop tarts for dinner once in a while, but I love where we are heading.

My dream is to empower people to reach children, families & friends to love Jesus. I think things got a little more focused.

JOY!

pretty little isyss

I work with children in the inner city & the suburbs and have done so for over 20 years. I so enjoy watching kids grasp life concepts and grow into people I can live life with! It's been so cool to see kids I worked with 15 years ago at my church now serving as leaders. This is so fulfilling to me!

Today at school I watched a 7 year old girl, Isyss, stand before me with tears streaming down her face. She had disappointed her mom and got disciplined for it. Her arm was swollen and appeared to have a serious injury. She didn't want to talk about what had happened. I could see her childhood spark fading from her eyes...it is a slow fade that happens here.

Working in the same place for so many years, I've seen a second generation of children come through the doors. It grieves me that the cycle of hurt and lack of emotional growth continues to effect the youth of our community.

Please join me in praying for our families in the Mahoning valley to experience an awakening to the patterns of destruction that stand before us. And along with your prayers, model love, acceptance & forgiveness to others who don't understand it or how to apply it in their lives.

It's a slow fade when the change comes- good or bad....let's work hard to let the fade move in the right direction and bring hope into the eyes of all the Isyss' out there.

time flies when you're having fun

Come to Me, all of you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest...Matthew 11:28

The kids in my neighborhood would hang out in my front yard because we had a bright mercury lamp in the yard. One instance came to me today. It was fall and there were dozens of huge maple trees on our street. Jeff, Danny, Brian & I took our garbage cans up and down the street to collect all the leaves we could and deposited them in my yard. It was some of the best leaf jumping and burying we ever had. I don't have any idea how long we were at the fun, but our parents kept calling us in for the night. My dad had to break up the party.

We were all bummed that the fun was over. We didn't want it to end. I had so much fun! But, I was so exhausted I didn't know how weary I was, but my mom sure knew! I took a warm bath, put on clean, comfy pajamas and ate a bowl of cereal. I'm pretty sure my dad had to carry me to bed that night.

The next day, we all gathered in the yard after school and played in the leaves again. I'm sure we had to rake those leaves up that day and get them ready for the street sweeper.

As an adult, I've had to learn to set a limit to how much I can do because sometimes I still don't want it to end. I'm so exhausted I don't notice weariness setting in. When I come to God, He rejuvenates me. He relaxes me. He fills me up with courage. He gives me strength and rest to do it all over again tomorrow, whether it is jumping or raking the leaves.

Don't let too much time fly by without resting in God!