current

sharing my thoughts in the past months has been too overwhelming. I think I've got it under control. my revelation as of late is that every season seems to be a season of transition. there are very few moments of staying still....

one of my favorite things to watch is the current of water...streams, rivers, ocean...give me water and I feel at home,

there is life in the current...there is constant life in the movement in the water,,,life fails to flourish in the lack of the current.

the thought of losing life because of the lack of current is of absolutely no interest to me, help me, o Lord, to continue to tread in the current & not to be swept away. help me to always long for the season You have for me. help me to have no fear. help me to have the courage to tread, swim & be immersed in Your water.

the Spirit and the Bride say "come." let anyone who hears this say "come." let anyone who is thirsty come. let anyone who desires drink freely of the water of life.-Revelation 22:17

love by decision, not reaction

This morning, as I read Spurgeon's Morning and Evening, the focus verse was Hosea 3:1.  "Go again, love a woman who is loved by a lover and is committing adultery, just like the love of the Lord for the children of Israel who look to other gods and love the raisin cakes of the pagan."

The take away for me is I am to love by decision, not reacting to emotions I am encountering in the moment.  God said, "Hosea, love Gomer. Don't take revenge on her betrayal."

Ouch!!!! I felt that 2x4 to my backside.  Fact:  I've been feeling betrayed as of late. Feeling:  I know that I've been letting my actions show less than love. 

Then, my niece shared a thought from her devotion this morning and it captured the rest of my heart.  1 John 2:5-6  "But those who obey God's word truly show how completely they love Him. That is how we know we are living in Him. Those who say they live in God should live as Jesus did."

Wham!!! That one was a humdinger! Guess it's time to get over myself and move forward. I still feel angry. The justice side of me wants to make my list with bullet points to take to the mediator. The Holy Spirit is saying He will take care of this because only He can change the situation. Only I can change my attitude.

Help me, Lord, to move past the feelings of betrayal. No one is perfect, me especially. I know there is perfect peace in Your plan. Help me to surrender my need for justice. Help me to see past the "raisin cake" and see You working in the midst of the commotion.  I need to factor in the truth of obeying You is the result you seek. I need to live as You lived, Jesus. Help me to walk in Your love, not emotion."

look forward 2 corinthians 4:18

While we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen. For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not are eternal. 2 Corinthians 4:18

Spurgeon wrote in Morning and Evening, "...see past death's river, the gloomy stream forded, the hills of light attained on which stands the celestial city..."

What an encouraging word to me today in the midst of the discouragement and defeat I have been wading in as of late. Thank you, Lord, for this reminder today. I know I have hope. I am tired and weary and broken, but I have hope.

Maxwell says, "Success has less to do with gifts than perspective. Paul tells us never lose heart; progress isn't always visible; our struggle develops us; we must fix our eyes on the unseen; the importance of the eternal realm far exceeds the visible one." I must paint a big picture.

When I've been trying to survive day to day, I sometimes lose sight of the big picture. I keep my head down and just keep pushing through. I believe it is time to pick up my head and look forward.

Mary kept all these things and pondered them in her heart...

Mary heard the story of the shepherds learning that Jesus had been born. They looked for the Messiah, Jesus, born in Bethlehem. Strangers were visiting her in the barn where she delivered her baby. Angels told of His birth.  Luke 2:19 says "but Mary kept all these things in her heart and thought about them often."

I've been reading Spurgeon's Morning & Evening this year. In the January 27 entry for evening, Spurgeon writes, "There was an exercise, on the part of this blessed woman, of three powers of her being: her memory-she kept all these things; her affections-she kept them in her heart; her intellect-she pondered them; so that memory, affection and understanding were all exercised about the things which she had heard."

I can't even imagine not talking about the AWESOME things Mary experienced in this time of her life. I realize no one would really be able to connect to what she was living out in these days. God's presence was so real around her. I mean, Mary was holding God in the form of a baby in her arms!  Most of the people in my world don't get it when I express God's presence being real in my life. They smile and politely nod.

I'm sure she heard the prophecies of what the Messiah would do in his life. I wonder if she knew of the ultimate life giving sacrifice He would share with all. Kept them in her heart...

When the troubled times come, I find myself pondering on the treasures I have experienced over the years...the words, the looks, the victorious moments. I don't expect others to understand my life. I may share what I'm going through in the moment. Saying it out loud makes it more real and helps me to take action on the troubles. But remembering what treasures He has shared with me on my journey gives me strength to move forward.

Everyone is wired in their own way. I cannot look to people in my life to understand my thoughts and emotions. My journey is exactly that...MY journey.  I don't want to do it alone. God didn't create us to journey alone. We need each other....  I realize that in the moments my mind needs to quiet, along with the Bible, the things I can ponder-the memories, affections and intellect-carry me through.

Spurgeon continues, "...make your heart the golden pot of manna to preserve the memorial of the heavenly bread whereon you have fed in days gone by. Let your memory treasure up everything about Christ which you have either felt, or known, or believed, and let your fond affections hold Him fast forevermore. Love the Person of your Lord! Bring forth the alabaster box of your heart, even though it be broken, and let all the precious ointment of your affection come streaming on His pierced feet. Let your intellect be exercised concerning the Lord Jesus. Meditate upon what you read; stop not at the surface: dive into the depths. If your spirit cannot compass the Lord Jesus in the grasp of understanding, let it embrace Him the arms of affection."

Lord, help me, in these days, when I feel disconnected and weary, to ponder the things You have given me for my journey. When I don't understand, help me to embrace You in affection. Help me to move past the hurt and resentment and bring my brokenness to You. Apply Your healing balm. Help me to remember Your provision of the past. Help me to just LOVE YOU LORD.

and so it begins...

2013 was a busy health year for my parents. We celebrated 75 years of life for my dad this past week. My mom's celebration is scheduled in 2 months.  Last year, dad was diagnosed with blood clots in his lungs. He had a head injury and the emergency room spotted the clots in a cat scan! He probably would have finished his time on earth if the clots weren't located. He battled through treatment and recovery. He seemed to be moving forward for a 74 year old man.  Then, mom found out she has breast cancer in September. What a shock! November brought about another episode for my dad with his blood clots. How grateful we are to have shared this holiday season together. I truly thought we would have been at his funeral before Thanksgiving...There are still some days ahead for all of us.




I just got notified mom's radiation treatment begins tomorrow. I don't want her to have to experience this awful thing! I guess she is stronger than I realize. I'm not sure why this is a surprise to me. Mike &  I gave her more of an emotional load to deal with than anyone ever should have to deal with.




2014:  a year of hope!  My hope is built on nothing less than Jesus blood and righteousness...the words ring clear and true in my ears.  None of what has happened in 2013 took God by surprise.  The blood of Jesus is what gives me the ability to walk in God's presence with a confidence to know He holds all of us in the palm of His hand.  His right hand is stronger than anything else in existence. I'm walking beside Him, putting my left (weak) hand into His right hand. 




The scars we bear are just a reminder that He has never left us through all the struggle and battle, the tears and the empty sighs.  I choose not to look at the scars through the pain, but through the moments I have peace & joy because of the amazing love God covers me in during the battle.  God never promised life would be without problem or struggle when I chose to follow Him. 

Psalm 121

I look up to the mountains— does my help come from there? My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth!  He will not let you stumble; the one who watches over you will not slumber. Indeed, he who watches over Israel never slumbers or sleeps. The Lord himself watches over you! The Lord stands beside you as your protective shade. The sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon at night. The Lord keeps you from all harm and watches over your life. The Lord keeps watch over you as you come and go, both now and forever.

Lord, You wrote out the story of my family a long time ago. I know You want no harm to come to us. Sickness is just one of those things that is part of living in this broken world. Thanks for never leaving us through these days. I thank you for giving us the strength to not just survive but to overcome!  Thank you for watching over us as we come and go. 

The cheese stands alone

This morning (-8 degrees) Tony headed to sunny California (75 degrees) for a business trip for 3 days. Last night the water stopped flowing through the pipes. He left me here to deal with it. Tonight with a dramatic flourish a pipe burst. I wish I could say I'm bursting with joy...

The piles of things seem to be piling up around me all over the place. One good thing in the midst of the storm, I'm sure I'm in the place I need to be at right now.

The challenge with the piles is not to be overwhelmed and discouraged as they continue to grow. Boy, I wish I could control this! I'm breathing in and out slowly. I'm working hard to keep an attitude of thanksgiving. I have been pretty crabby today...

It feels like I'm in it alone, although I know I'm not. Sure, Tony packed his swim trunks...I'm psyching myself up to go through my waterlogged treasures.

Isaiah 41:13 I, The Lord your God, hold your right hand and say to you, "Do not fear. I will help you."

I like that God says he is holding my right hand. Being right handed, He's taking on my weaker side as He holds my right hand. Through this He's teaching me to live in victory through the battle.