change of diagnosis

Proverbs 3:5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart;  do not depend on your own understanding.

I really love my dad. When I was a kid, he would spend time with me intentionally. He tried to instill in me the basics of giving and serving. He took me to a community wide food giveaway. We would fill boxes & deliver them to families in our town. He wanted to teach me the concept of tithing, so he gave me my $1 allowance in 3 quarters, 2 dimes & a nickel. He would sit with me on Saturday afternoons while I tried to memorize my Sunday school memory verse, so he could learn it, too!

I noticed a difference in him about 15 years ago. He didn't remember things as well as he always did. He was only in his late 50's. No reason this should be happening, but I noticed it.

About 5 years ago, the doctor handed my mom literature on Alzheimer's Disease. Whoa! This was serious. He handled it so well. He wanted us to go to the meetings at the Alzheimer's Association to learn all we could. He said this disease wasn't going to affect him. It was really going to affect all of us. His intentionality blew me away!

He got on the good drugs to try to keep the disease from rapidly progressing. He faithfully visited his doctors to evaluate his situation.

Last week, his doctor said there had been no change in his condition in these five years and wanted to change the diagnosis from Alzheimer's Disease to vascular dementia. I'm pretty sure the end result is very similar, but the journey to the end is a little easier to think about.

There are many times in our lives that we give our situation a prognosis & a name. We get a little hopeless, live in denial & get depressed. We think about what we won't have instead of what we do.  Trust in the Lord. He sees the big picture of what is happening. He gives us the prognosis of get up every day and love me with all your heart...and love others like yourself.

Don't worry about the title, name or what you think you know is going to happen. Fall into the arms of Jesus & remember He's always been there & will continue to be intentional in your life. You're Dad really loves you!

ch ch ch changes!

2 Timothy 4:2

 Preach the word of God. Be prepared, whether the time is favorable or not. Patiently correct, rebuke, and encourage your people with good teaching.

These last months have been a wild ride! I'm learning to let go of who I used to be...Be confident in who I am today....Looking forward with joy toward tomorrow!

Tony will be starting a new job in the middle of the month. He wasn't pursuing a change, but a great opportunity came his way. I am so happy for him. He works so hard and diligently at his job. He does it as unto the Lord. He does it with integrity and sincerity. I love that part of him!

He was sharing his many many thoughts with me the other day and he looked at me, with tears in his eyes and said, "God is blessing me because of you." Boy, this made me sit back and smile. He was so affirming me in what I am doing with my life. I waited 16 years to hear this precious message! It was priceless.

I've recently made a change, too. I'm taking a roll in our family ministry at church. I'll keep on doing all I do in the local schools. But I'm going to get to develop a team and work with them to help our families be the greatest places for kids to experience God's love!  I love kidmin! But family ministry (fammin) makes my heart beat hard.

Our home life is going to go through changes. Tony is changing from 4 10 hour days to 5 8 hour days. I'm changing from 20 hours to many many more! Somehow, the laundry and grocery shopping will be done. We may have to eat pop tarts for dinner once in a while, but I love where we are heading.

My dream is to empower people to reach children, families & friends to love Jesus. I think things got a little more focused.

JOY!

pretty little isyss

I work with children in the inner city & the suburbs and have done so for over 20 years. I so enjoy watching kids grasp life concepts and grow into people I can live life with! It's been so cool to see kids I worked with 15 years ago at my church now serving as leaders. This is so fulfilling to me!

Today at school I watched a 7 year old girl, Isyss, stand before me with tears streaming down her face. She had disappointed her mom and got disciplined for it. Her arm was swollen and appeared to have a serious injury. She didn't want to talk about what had happened. I could see her childhood spark fading from her eyes...it is a slow fade that happens here.

Working in the same place for so many years, I've seen a second generation of children come through the doors. It grieves me that the cycle of hurt and lack of emotional growth continues to effect the youth of our community.

Please join me in praying for our families in the Mahoning valley to experience an awakening to the patterns of destruction that stand before us. And along with your prayers, model love, acceptance & forgiveness to others who don't understand it or how to apply it in their lives.

It's a slow fade when the change comes- good or bad....let's work hard to let the fade move in the right direction and bring hope into the eyes of all the Isyss' out there.

time flies when you're having fun

Come to Me, all of you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest...Matthew 11:28

The kids in my neighborhood would hang out in my front yard because we had a bright mercury lamp in the yard. One instance came to me today. It was fall and there were dozens of huge maple trees on our street. Jeff, Danny, Brian & I took our garbage cans up and down the street to collect all the leaves we could and deposited them in my yard. It was some of the best leaf jumping and burying we ever had. I don't have any idea how long we were at the fun, but our parents kept calling us in for the night. My dad had to break up the party.

We were all bummed that the fun was over. We didn't want it to end. I had so much fun! But, I was so exhausted I didn't know how weary I was, but my mom sure knew! I took a warm bath, put on clean, comfy pajamas and ate a bowl of cereal. I'm pretty sure my dad had to carry me to bed that night.

The next day, we all gathered in the yard after school and played in the leaves again. I'm sure we had to rake those leaves up that day and get them ready for the street sweeper.

As an adult, I've had to learn to set a limit to how much I can do because sometimes I still don't want it to end. I'm so exhausted I don't notice weariness setting in. When I come to God, He rejuvenates me. He relaxes me. He fills me up with courage. He gives me strength and rest to do it all over again tomorrow, whether it is jumping or raking the leaves.

Don't let too much time fly by without resting in God!

carving my pumpkin

Last week I started the character assembly school year off. I love the opportunities I have to invest in children all over my community. I crunched the number of students I work with in a month-about 1400! I am in awe of this. You never know where the journey will take you.

But I don't remember what it feels like not to be tired...there is always more to do. Another topic needs developed. A better story needs written. The science experiments need tweaked. Another school needs contacted. I want to read my bible and pray. I need to work out. I need to do some laundry. My refrigerator is empty. I want to spend some time with my friends. You know how this goes!

I started carving out my days to look like they need to instead of how I want them to look. It's a huge discipline! I'm not wired this way! My mom is the queen of lists. For holiday dinners, she uses lined index cards for each part of the event so she doesn't forget anything....but if I want to make the best of each day and find rest at the end of it....

I would liken this process to the carving of my pumpkin. First, I attempt to draw an outline on the exterior of the pumpkin. It's a little tricky because of the contour of the pumpkin but thankfully I'm going to chop all of that off anyways! Then you begin with the top, trying to get the lid off so you can get the guts out of your creation. It takes a moment to remove what doesn't belong, but I get it done. I might gag a little because I don't like the slimy stuff, but I throw it away as soon as I can, never to be seen again. Next, I get my knife and attempt to create a piece of art unlike any I have ever seen. I have to re angle the knife to get the cut just right. The pumpkin slides aways from me because I lose my grip, but I get my bearings again. At the end of the process, I remember it's just a pumpkin. It's not the end of the world! All I can do is my best and try again next time.

I'm going to keep working at the discipline of being the me I am supposed to be.

the weser adventure

It all happened in a few short moments. Someone said there was a need and I felt compelled to meet it. Friends were taking a 9 day business trip and needed someone to look after their three kids and two dogs while they were gone. I looked at my calendar and there was nothing pressing on it to keep me from pitching in. After all, that's what I do-pitch in.

Joe & Angela Weser are on a road to becoming the Chi Alpha directors at my college Alma mater, Youngstown State University. This trip was their induction, interview and empowerment to do this incredible task. I love the Weser's and I love my community. The least I could do was care for their family.

The kids are great! So full of energy and life! I wanted to keep their routines in place so life as they know it would go on, but with a different adult in the helm.  We went to soccer games, did homework, kept bedtimes and went to church.  I asked them some of their favorite places to go and they filled me in. Most of them are not places I frequent, but I wanted to please them so I caved.

Little did I know how this trip would change me. Strangely, I came face to face with two families I met while at YSU. They weren't families then, but we were part of each other's lives. I think each time I would think about them over the years regret was a big part of the memory.

After church on Sunday, we went to Taco Bell. I don't think Tony & I have ever gone to Taco Bell together in the 16 plus years we've been together. We all stood in line to put in our order. The kids grabbed their drink cups to fill up on whatever caffeinated beverage they could find. I looked up as I waited for the food and found myself standing next to a college boyfriend. When we graduated from college, I realized that I needed to get my priorities straight and decided to follow Jesus with all of my heart. I tried to drag him along with me, but he let me know that wasn't going to happen. Not long after this, he began dating one of my dearest college friends. They got married and have two beautiful kids together. I lost touch with her for too many years. I said hello to him and he just looked at me, puzzled. He didn't recognize me. I actually said, "It's Lori." When I said this, he said, "Did you see Kim?" I smiled while he got Kim's attention. I got to catch up with her and I'm sure we'll get together soon.

I always felt terrible for the "christian impression" I left on him. I always wondered in the back of my mind if he would have decided to let Jesus fill up the hurts and holes in his heart if I had not been so offensive and aggressive. Regret is a terrible thing to carry around.

Later Sunday afternoon, one of the kids was getting a ride to a soccer game. The driver just happened to be another college friend. Well, he was more than a friend. He was my fiance'. I found it a little hard to breathe in that moment because, again, the regret I felt regarding the way I treated him when I ended our relationship. I knew I couldn't marry him but, I didn't show him the love that Jesus would have wanted me to show him. I don't think I knew how to show anyone the love that Jesus would want me to show them at that point in my life. He smiled at me and gave a good wave to me. I have a had a few encounters with him over the years and we have cordially talked, but again, I walked away with the gnawing feeling in my gut of regret.

Later in the week, late at night while letting the dogs out, I had a talk with the Lord about this ridiculous experience I had on Sunday. I pretty much cried out and said to Him, "Why in the world would I come face to face with both of these people in one day! I wouldn't have seen either of them if I wasn't with these kids! Ugh! You know how I feel about what I did. How long do I have to feel like this, Lord? I can't change the past!" And the Holy Spirit cried out to me and said, "But look at how I have changed you!" I rested in that thought for a few moments and felt a release that I needed for so long. I felt assured that the past mistakes had been forgiven. The results of drawing those people to Jesus was not on my shoulders. The actions I show them now and in the future are my responsibility.

The Weser's came home from their trip last night and I was so very excited to see the change in them, the passion they have to get on that campus, and the love they have for their family! I wondered for a moment if someone like them had been on my campus when I was there, would I have made the same life choices I did. I am praying for them to impact young adults in our community to follow Jesus as they develop their gifts and abilities in their schooling.

I am so excited about this unexpected change in me from this trip! When I agreed to babysit, I never thought I would have a transformation in me.  Forgetting what is behind and pressing toward the mark of who Jesus has asked me to be! I feel free.

the stress of needing the password

For some reason, I have not been able to sign into my blog site for the past couple of weeks. I also have not pursued the answer to why that has been the case. So I spent a few neccessary moments taking care of this today.

Every account I have on the internet requires a password. It is overwhelming trying to keep track of them all...which email did I use for the account...did I use all caps for this one....am I being cryptic enough not to give away all of my identity and money!

Some days I think I'd like to have the chip in my hand to sign in easily into everything. I don't care about the information that is no longer private, just make the journey easier PLEASE!!!!!

I'm so very glad I don't have to log in on a sign in screen every single time I want to connect to God! It's a constant state of mind for me. I am thankful for this, as well.

I don't have to be cryptic with God in the things I say. I don't have to worry about giving away the details. He's interested in the details of me. He loves me. He cares about me. He wants the best for me. He wants me to succeed. He wants me to follow Him. He mapped out the journey for me. He created my identity.

Lord, help me to remember that my all is wrapped up in You! You wrapped it up for me. Thanks that You are always there when I need to sign in with you. Thanks that I don't have to jump through hoops or go through multiple sign in screens to connect to you!  Thanks that you care so very much about the details of me! Help me not to give away the identity You gave to me! I'm really starting to love the me You've made me to be :)