I haven't written here in such a long time, although I've been old school writing in a spiral notebook because my writings were a bit more personal than I felt comfortable revealing. My journey these past months have been testing my ability to stay focused on the tasks set before me. And the latest distraction is happening today.
Wednesday, I went to a quarterly doctor checkup to look into the fibroids I have growing in me for the past 19 months. I have them tended to every 3 months. Last September, I had surgery to remove them. They keep returning. Doc said to me this one can't be dealt with in the office, must be surgically removed as soon as possible. My head spins for a moment and I catch myself. No need to worry until they give you something to worry about. I've been in this situation before. I'm not going to be distracted by this. I'll deal with it as it comes.
I had decided to keep this event quiet because people tend to react to my distraction as if it is their distraction. I know others love and care for me, but in my line of work, people look to me for counsel and I can't carry them through my distraction. Then, others made this part of my life public yesterday...so I share some of my thoughts here.
I head to surgery this afternoon. My schedule has been uprooted for this week, which is a distraction for me. I'll find out to what degree my schedule will be uprooted for the future next week, which is a distraction for me.
I'm glad to know that this distraction will not take me off of the path that has been laid out before me, before I was born. I know there is a plan and a purpose for this season. I want to stay focused on who I am through this season. I know there can be some beauty in this distraction. I'm anxiously awaiting the great reveal of this one!
I focus on Romans 15:13 (which I have shared with so many of my friends in difficult times this summer) I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in him. Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit.
I am confident with hope and I do have peace...except the unsure feeling that the nurse putting in the IV can find the right place to start it all...ugh
hide and seek, here I come...come out come out where ever you are...where is my phone...who left this mess...all statements I've heard regarding looking for something or someone. the first two take me back to summer nights of hide and seek. the last two...well, we've all been there :)
three months ago, I sat at the surgeon's office waiting for some results. I had found 3 lumps in my breast and had the typical procedure done. Doctor looked at me at eye level and said "the report was not showing anything out of the ordinary, but I want you to come in for 3 month ultrasounds for a while so that when it shows up we can deal with it quickly".....blank stare from me..."do you have any questions?", he asked. "uh...hmmm...you didn't see anything out of the ordinary?"..."the report does not show anything at this time. we just want to make sure we catch it right away when it shows up."
I was not expecting to hear something like that from a doctor-a good report, but yet we'll be watching for the bad one. I walked away from this one a little dazed. I deal with medical issues every day. I've never had a doctor tell me we'll be watching so that when the problem arises, we'll get it. It is usually dealing with it once there is a problem.
Now, I only told a couple of people about the doc's comments about getting it when it shows up. I didn't feel I should make myself a terminal case. People look at you different when you tell them stuff like this. But I started to think how good it is that doc has this outlook. He and I are just getting to know each other.
How often do we get involved in relationships that we don't keep our eyes open so that when something shows up, we can deal with it quickly? Don't we tend to keep our mouths shut and then find ourselves talking about it to others or condemning them when it gets out of hand? When Jesus said to "love one another" I think He wanted us to care enough about those around us to help each other out of trouble before we get there.
so to sum this up-start talking to those in your life about what is happening and how it affects life...if someone talks to you about you, let your pride have a 10 minute break and really look at the situation...and decide to love each other even if you choose to disagree!
btw, there is a history of breast cancer in my family, I do have some of the markers on the checklist. But, I'm not worried about this. I am treating it like anything else in my life-trusting God. Everything is possible with God-Mark 10:27
