His Presence

I can remember the feeling of the wind wafting through the warm air.

The sun was delicately falling in the sky as the night colors began to take over.

I was present in that moment on the beach with Tony. 

I can remember the smell, the sight, the feel, the sounds...

...memories...

But it's not enough to remember.

I long to be present in that moment again.

I am so looking forward to August and spending time at the beach.. 

The anticipation is rising!

In today's Bible reading, I was taken to Exodus 33:15

If your Presence does not go with us, do not bring us up from here. (NKJV)

God asked Moses to leave Sinai. He said He would send His angel and drive out the enemy that would be in the way. The land He was sending them to was fabulous! Milk and honey! But, God said He wasn't going there with them. He called the Israelites "stiff necked people".  

Was God concerned about putting Israel in a permanent time out?

Moses went out of the tent city to have some quiet time with God.  The cloud of God's Presence fell and stood at the door of the Tabernacle as God & Moses talked.

Moses pleaded with God... God showed His amazing grace, yet again...

Moses chose God's presence over the blessing and provision of God. 

Milk & honey...the enemy's destruction... 

God's presence had been guiding them for so long... 

how could they survive without His presence?

God's presence wasn't enough for Moses in a memory.

God's presence is alive and real.

I am reminded today that I can be blessed by God but be away from 

the Creator of the universe. 

I can walk in His favor but be out of sync with the Savior.

I may recall a moment of being in His presence. 

This isn't enough. I need to be present tense in His presence.  

Always choose His presence.

It's more than obedience. 

God is God. Nothing I do will change this fact.

Inviting His presence into my life

Walking in His presence makes all the difference

His presence = value, strength, purpose, correction, direction

He is always faithful.

I choose His presence.

Moment by moment...day by day...until there is an unending moment 

of His presence for all of eternity...

Mary kept all these things and pondered them in her heart...

Mary heard the story of the shepherds learning that Jesus had been born. They looked for the Messiah, Jesus, born in Bethlehem. Strangers were visiting her in the barn where she delivered her baby. Angels told of His birth.  Luke 2:19 says "but Mary kept all these things in her heart and thought about them often."

I've been reading Spurgeon's Morning & Evening this year. In the January 27 entry for evening, Spurgeon writes, "There was an exercise, on the part of this blessed woman, of three powers of her being: her memory-she kept all these things; her affections-she kept them in her heart; her intellect-she pondered them; so that memory, affection and understanding were all exercised about the things which she had heard."

I can't even imagine not talking about the AWESOME things Mary experienced in this time of her life. I realize no one would really be able to connect to what she was living out in these days. God's presence was so real around her. I mean, Mary was holding God in the form of a baby in her arms!  Most of the people in my world don't get it when I express God's presence being real in my life. They smile and politely nod.

I'm sure she heard the prophecies of what the Messiah would do in his life. I wonder if she knew of the ultimate life giving sacrifice He would share with all. Kept them in her heart...

When the troubled times come, I find myself pondering on the treasures I have experienced over the years...the words, the looks, the victorious moments. I don't expect others to understand my life. I may share what I'm going through in the moment. Saying it out loud makes it more real and helps me to take action on the troubles. But remembering what treasures He has shared with me on my journey gives me strength to move forward.

Everyone is wired in their own way. I cannot look to people in my life to understand my thoughts and emotions. My journey is exactly that...MY journey.  I don't want to do it alone. God didn't create us to journey alone. We need each other....  I realize that in the moments my mind needs to quiet, along with the Bible, the things I can ponder-the memories, affections and intellect-carry me through.

Spurgeon continues, "...make your heart the golden pot of manna to preserve the memorial of the heavenly bread whereon you have fed in days gone by. Let your memory treasure up everything about Christ which you have either felt, or known, or believed, and let your fond affections hold Him fast forevermore. Love the Person of your Lord! Bring forth the alabaster box of your heart, even though it be broken, and let all the precious ointment of your affection come streaming on His pierced feet. Let your intellect be exercised concerning the Lord Jesus. Meditate upon what you read; stop not at the surface: dive into the depths. If your spirit cannot compass the Lord Jesus in the grasp of understanding, let it embrace Him the arms of affection."

Lord, help me, in these days, when I feel disconnected and weary, to ponder the things You have given me for my journey. When I don't understand, help me to embrace You in affection. Help me to move past the hurt and resentment and bring my brokenness to You. Apply Your healing balm. Help me to remember Your provision of the past. Help me to just LOVE YOU LORD.

a little bit of a distraction...

I haven't written here in such a long time, although I've been old school writing in a spiral notebook because my writings were a bit more personal than I felt comfortable revealing. My journey these past months have been testing my ability to stay focused on the tasks set before me.  And the latest distraction is happening today.

Wednesday, I went to a quarterly doctor checkup to look into the fibroids I have growing in me for the past 19 months.  I have them tended to every 3 months. Last September, I had surgery to remove them.  They keep returning.  Doc said to me this one can't be dealt with in the office, must be surgically removed as soon as possible.  My head spins for a moment and I catch myself. No need to worry until they give you something to worry about. I've been in this situation before.  I'm not going to be distracted by this.  I'll deal with it as it comes.

I had decided to keep this event quiet because people tend to react to my distraction as if it is their distraction.  I know others love and care for me, but in my line of work, people look to me for counsel and I can't carry them through my distraction.  Then, others made this part of my life public yesterday...so I share some of my thoughts here.

I head to surgery this afternoon.  My schedule has been uprooted for this week, which is a distraction for me.  I'll find out to what degree my schedule will be uprooted for the future next week, which is a distraction for me. 

I'm glad to know that this distraction will not take me off of the path that has been laid out before me, before I was born.  I know there is a plan and a purpose for this season. I want to stay focused on who I am through this season.  I know there can be some beauty in this distraction.  I'm anxiously awaiting the great reveal of this one!

I focus on Romans 15:13 (which I have shared with so many of my friends in difficult times this summer) I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in him. Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit.

I am confident with hope and I do have peace...except the unsure feeling that the nurse putting in the IV can find the right place to start it all...ugh

 

10 focused on the giants & 2 remembered the promise

Long ago I promised the ancestors of Israel that I would give this land to their descendants. So be strong and brave! Be careful to do everything my servant Moses taught you. Never stop reading The Book of the Law he gave you. Day and night you must think about what it says. If you obey it completely, you and Israel will be able to take this land. (JOSHUA 1:6 CEV)

Recently I've been struggling with the places I know I'm supposed to serve. There have been trials and battles and roadblocks. I know I am supposed to hang in there and be obedient. Sometimes it's just so hard.

Last night I got to engage in a worship service where the point were to hear God's direction, be obedient and He would do the impossible. I so very much want to see God change lives all around me! So I made a new commitment that no matter what happens around me I will be obedient to what He has asked me to.

A friend came to pray with me and give an encouraging word-remember when the 12 spies went to the promised land-12 saw giants and 2 decided to look also at what God promised. They still saw the giants but they didn't focus in them. They focused on the promise of God.

Then today's verse of the day came up, which just happens to be my life verse, which is listed above. It is the matching orders given by God to Joshua to enter the Promised Land-be strong and courageous wherever you go!

I will focus on the promise not the giant! Thank you God!

a tribute to my godmother, Lynn Alfano

I found out that my godmother, Lynn Alfano, passed away this week. I haven't had contact for a while with her or the family. Life gets so very busy & I always think I'll get to it and then it's too late. I can't live in a mindset of regret, but I will try to pick up the pace with the others on my heart.

Lynn & Phil came into my parent's life when my dad & Phil served in the national guard. I chuckle at the thought of them in uniform & with guns. These guys are both such sweethearts (at least this is the side I choose to think of).  The four of them have been friends for 50 years.  I don't know details of their adventures together. I'm sure there are some epic stories, though.

I don't remember the day of my holy baptism, as I was a baby, but the pictures show Lynn, in a red suit and hat, holding me on the steps of the church. There's just something so sweet about it. If I understand it correctly, the godparents make a pledge to aid in the spiritual upbringing of the child. She had no idea how this pledge would be lived out.

We would sit in front of their house for fireworks every July 17. Their house was at the base of the hill. Cinders would fall on the sidewalk next to us from the fireworks. You could feel the "BOOM" underneath you. It was awesome!

We were invited into their family. We would go to their home for Sunday dinner, a full blown Italian dinner. I was a backward, insecure kid who didn't like pasta & sauce. Lynn was so very sweet to me. She would get me a bowl of cereal, never commenting to me how much I was missing out or how odd I was. She would smile at me at the table. Through these gestures, she showed me how important it is to care for your family.  At my bridal shower, she gave me a crock pot. I really do think of her everytime I get it out of the cupboard. I have made my husband many meals that show care for him that I think she would approve of, although hers would be so much better. She was an amazing cook.

Oh, she loved her family so very much! She cheered them on to be the best they could be. She cared for the generation before and the generations to follow. My mom uses the word "selfless" to describe her.

I might see her a couple times a year and her greeting was always the same, "Hi Lor!" with a smile.  She smiled through it all in her closed mouth smile and nod of the head.

The one great gift I will always be grateful for is the gift of my spiritual growth. I was in early elementary school. Lynn & Phil invited my parents to make a Curseo weekend at church. They were so very excited about it. My dad went. Then my mom. This event was life changing for all involved. The life change was to make a personal investment in your relationship with God.  By realizing Jesus is our Savior and we can have constant relationship with God because of Jesus, we are empowered to follow Jesus daily. It's a little different than just a reverence of God. It's a relationship with God.

This invitation to my parents changed the course of my life forever. I am sold out to following Jesus in all I do. I felt God call me to a vocational service of ministry.

I thank God for you, Lynn. I know that I haven't seen you in a while, but there is a part of you that lives on in me every single day! I look forward to seeing you again!

going through the tunnel...

Yesterday, I was driving through downtown Pittsburgh and I got to drive through the Liberty Tunnel. I love to go through the Liberty Tunnel. When I was a child, we would travel through the tunnel when we would visit my grandparents. There's just something so cool about being in the middle of the mountain, being in the stream of vehicles, and seeing the small light at the end get bigger and bigger.


The thrill got a little different as I became the driver. I'll never forget the first time I was controlling the car. My dad sat next to me and coached me through the experience. "First, keep your eyes on your lane. Don't worry about anyone else. If you stay in your lane, you'll be safe. Second, maintain your speed. Don't slow down and don't speed up. How you start is how you should finish. Third, always keep your lights on. Whether it's day or night, you need to understand that others cannot see you the same inside the tunnel as outside." We made it through, although I'm sure that I was not able to let go of the steering wheel for a while because of the stress I felt as I had this new experience.


One thing I've learned about driving through the tunnel is that there always is a light at the end. The darkness inside the tunnel is haunting and daunting. But when I kept my eyes on the vehicle in front of me, I could eventually see the light at the end.


When we would go to Virginia Beach on vacation, we would travel in a tunnel underneath the water. One thing I looked forward to was the smell of the ocean when we got to the other side. I can almost smell it now as I'm typing. I think I looked forward to the smell at the end even more than the light.

Whatever the experience is going through the tunnel, there is a difference in you when you get the other side. We sang an older chorus today during our worship service: Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus. One of the lines is, "And the things of life will grow strangly dim in the light of Your glory and grace." I pondered the tunnel experience to my experience of walking with Jesus. In my life, there is trouble. There is unhappiness and pain. But these things fade in comparison to the amazing grace and glory of Jesus.

If you find yourself stuck in the middle of the tunnel, unable to see the light or smell the salt air at the end, change your focal point. Turn your eyes upon Jesus. He's more than a character from a story. He's real and He loves us so very much. His amazing grace will transform you and help you to see Him in everything.