somebody sat on me again!

As Mia Thermopolis is revealed to the audience in "The Princess Diaries", she is in the school courtyard...a student sits on her, not even aware of her presence.  She tells her friend, Lilly, "Somebody sat on me again."

I felt like that today. I know I'm not invisible. I know that I am making a mark on this world, doing the very thing I was created by my CREATOR to do... But the idea of people sitting on me is no less painful. Sometimes the "sitting" is when people scream awful untruths at me in their insecurity and others lash out  because they need to move on in the world but are unwilling to do so...these past 13 months have been filled with this. I'm tired...

Then the Lord reminded me of Psalm 121...

Psalm 121 The Message (MSG)  A Pilgrim Song

121 ^1-2 I look up to the mountains;
    does my strength come from mountains?
No, my strength comes from God,
    who made heaven, and earth, and mountains.

^3-4 He won’t let you stumble,
    your Guardian God won’t fall asleep.
Not on your life! Israel’s
    Guardian will never doze or sleep.

^5-6 God’s your Guardian,
    right at your side to protect you—
Shielding you from sunstroke,
    sheltering you from moonstroke.

^7-8 God guards you from every evil,
    he guards your very life.
He guards you when you leave and when you return,
    he guards you now, he guards you always.

 

I wish I knew what moonstroke is...does it hurt like sunburn?

 

Well...I am thrilled to know that God never sleeps in the midst of any of my troubles! God is on this (that's me!) pilgrim's journey! So, I guess it never takes God by surprise that someone sat on me again. Thanks, God, for the sighting of you in my life. This brings me peace & joy in the midst of the trial.

the center

My washing machine has an old fashioned agitator in it. It is the center of all that happens in my washing machine. It moves the water, soap & clothes around. It is what makes the whole thing work!  Without the agitator, my laundry isn't quite the same. I use it to measure where the load is laid.  When the balance of the machine is off, the whole thing tries to move across my floor, like in the movie, Mr. Mom. 

1 Kings 8:56-58  May he keep us centered and devoted to him, following the life path he has cleared, watching the signposts, walking at the pace and rhythms he laid down for our ancestors.-The Message.

In the windy journey I've faced, I find myself thankful Jesus is my center. Debris has been kicked up in my face & has tried to hit me from behind.  I will not be distracted from the rhythm God has created in my life. I will walk according to the pace He has set.

The rhythm consists of prayer, bible meditation & study, serving others, spending time with my friends & family. The pace varies in seasons. Lately the pace has been rapid and hard.

I continue to put my life in God's hands.  He must be the center...Sunday I was reminded by Lauren, a 6th grader, as I was recanting the tale of Joshua and the day the sun stood still. I made the remark that the sun stopped moving...and she quizzically said, "Doesn't the Earth move around the sun?" 

Thanks, Lauren, for reminding me what is at the center of everything!

Lord, when I am underequipped for what I am experiencing, help me to remember that you are my Center, my Balance, my Rhythm. You speak to me that I may hear what pace to take, what words to say, what part of the burden to pick up and what part to surrender.  Thank you so much that I am not in this alone! Help me to remember the signposts that have been posted in the past and look for the signposts of today!

a little bit of a distraction...

I haven't written here in such a long time, although I've been old school writing in a spiral notebook because my writings were a bit more personal than I felt comfortable revealing. My journey these past months have been testing my ability to stay focused on the tasks set before me.  And the latest distraction is happening today.

Wednesday, I went to a quarterly doctor checkup to look into the fibroids I have growing in me for the past 19 months.  I have them tended to every 3 months. Last September, I had surgery to remove them.  They keep returning.  Doc said to me this one can't be dealt with in the office, must be surgically removed as soon as possible.  My head spins for a moment and I catch myself. No need to worry until they give you something to worry about. I've been in this situation before.  I'm not going to be distracted by this.  I'll deal with it as it comes.

I had decided to keep this event quiet because people tend to react to my distraction as if it is their distraction.  I know others love and care for me, but in my line of work, people look to me for counsel and I can't carry them through my distraction.  Then, others made this part of my life public yesterday...so I share some of my thoughts here.

I head to surgery this afternoon.  My schedule has been uprooted for this week, which is a distraction for me.  I'll find out to what degree my schedule will be uprooted for the future next week, which is a distraction for me. 

I'm glad to know that this distraction will not take me off of the path that has been laid out before me, before I was born.  I know there is a plan and a purpose for this season. I want to stay focused on who I am through this season.  I know there can be some beauty in this distraction.  I'm anxiously awaiting the great reveal of this one!

I focus on Romans 15:13 (which I have shared with so many of my friends in difficult times this summer) I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in him. Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit.

I am confident with hope and I do have peace...except the unsure feeling that the nurse putting in the IV can find the right place to start it all...ugh

 

chaos & faith

The fundamental fact of existence is that this trust in God, this faith, is the firm foundation under everything that makes life worth living. It’s our handle on what we can’t see. The act of faith is what distinguished our ancestors, set them above the crowd. Hebrews 11:1 (the message)

This season has been so crazy! Changes and challenges have been around every corner, looming over me, trying to trip me, causing me to have moments of extraordinary doubt....if I could go back a year and make some other decisions...sometimes it feels like chaos, but somehow there's peace.

Yesterday, a friend told me that I like to live in chaos. Sigh....I don't like to live there, nor do I want to live there. Yes, sometimes, there are messes around me-some I create and some that others create or leave behind.  My commitment says I will do my best to keep things moving in the direction that God guides me in.
January 2012 I agreed to help bring some leadership to family ministry at our church...February 2012 I agreed to help lead the board of local inner city ministry...I made a commitment to God for a year of leading these areas and then we would reevaluate. The year has come up and I feel I've done my job, but the work of leading isn't done.  The jobs have gotten bigger than I ever imagined. Other leaders have stepped away and I find myself asking God, "Why didn't you let me know about all of this in the beginning of my commitment? Am I really the person You want to use to do this?" 

Interestingly enough, at the time these separate scenarios came up, I was partnered with a wonderful couple for encouragement for this season.  They are so encouraging and empowering! She likes to share mementos with me.  The first surprise I received is the a small desk plaque about faith (the picture above).  I put it on my makeshift desk so I could see it every time I put myself in the office.  It's amazing how much this scripture has become my mantra throughout this season of change.  I know this couple had no idea what would be facing us in this season of change, which at times has felt like chaos.  Their faith has been extended to me and aides me to walk in a place of confidence and peace.

Sometimes the job is so big that I can't tend to every single detail and make everything look like I have it in control. This is okay. Life is messy. People create messes. God is perfect, not me. If I don't have the plan completely marked out, I have faith that God will guide through -no matter what. That's why I am really inspired by the Message version of Hebrews 11:1-faith is the firm foundation under everything that makes life worth living. It’s our handle on what we can’t see. 

I think faith in God is the way we can keep moving forward when we see the messes that we can't manage.  I love living the life I have the privilege of living! I hope you find yourself in a place of loving your life. I cannot wait to see how God makes all of these situations happen so that He can receive the honor and the glory of working it out! God equips us!

Thanks so much, God, for placing encouragement (my most excellent encouragers!) along the journey!  You keep my faith alive and enable me to keep working at the tasks set before me.  This is what makes life worth living!

By the way, I'm not accepting the word of chaos over my life.  I searched out the biblical use of the word "chaos" and found it to signify an abyss or destruction.  I do not believe that I live in that place.  I live in the land of the living!