His Presence

I can remember the feeling of the wind wafting through the warm air.

The sun was delicately falling in the sky as the night colors began to take over.

I was present in that moment on the beach with Tony. 

I can remember the smell, the sight, the feel, the sounds...

...memories...

But it's not enough to remember.

I long to be present in that moment again.

I am so looking forward to August and spending time at the beach.. 

The anticipation is rising!

In today's Bible reading, I was taken to Exodus 33:15

If your Presence does not go with us, do not bring us up from here. (NKJV)

God asked Moses to leave Sinai. He said He would send His angel and drive out the enemy that would be in the way. The land He was sending them to was fabulous! Milk and honey! But, God said He wasn't going there with them. He called the Israelites "stiff necked people".  

Was God concerned about putting Israel in a permanent time out?

Moses went out of the tent city to have some quiet time with God.  The cloud of God's Presence fell and stood at the door of the Tabernacle as God & Moses talked.

Moses pleaded with God... God showed His amazing grace, yet again...

Moses chose God's presence over the blessing and provision of God. 

Milk & honey...the enemy's destruction... 

God's presence had been guiding them for so long... 

how could they survive without His presence?

God's presence wasn't enough for Moses in a memory.

God's presence is alive and real.

I am reminded today that I can be blessed by God but be away from 

the Creator of the universe. 

I can walk in His favor but be out of sync with the Savior.

I may recall a moment of being in His presence. 

This isn't enough. I need to be present tense in His presence.  

Always choose His presence.

It's more than obedience. 

God is God. Nothing I do will change this fact.

Inviting His presence into my life

Walking in His presence makes all the difference

His presence = value, strength, purpose, correction, direction

He is always faithful.

I choose His presence.

Moment by moment...day by day...until there is an unending moment 

of His presence for all of eternity...

surrounded by a great cloud of witnesses

a special reminder of my friend, Michele

I've become very aware of how much time it takes to keep up with relationships-the people in my life. I am so grateful for the amazing people who have been in my life...some I don't connect to all that often and then, there are those who schedule time with me regularly.

So many things have changed in my life in the last 5 months. Not seeing people at church events has opened my eyes to how much of my socialization took place there.  It has been a big shift in my friendship action plan.

Do you have a friendship action plan? You decide to be proactive and schedule time with your friends. It's natural to do this. See, I don't live in a neighborhood where my kids are friends with my friend's kids and then moms will sit and drink coffee during play dates. I don't have kids. I have to make my own play dates, I guess play dates are my friendship action plan.

I got to hang with three different ladies this week. I scheduled time with each of them about a month ago. Leslie and I spent one morning working on art. Beth made me homemade coffee cake when I dropped by one morning.  Michele spent a couple hours coaching me through some life vision plan. Next week I have a lunch scheduled with Sharon and I'm sure we will laugh a ton because we can.

I have spent so much intentional time with my friends these months; I'm so grateful to all of you fabulous friends. I'm looking forward to spending time with others I haven't been able to schedule time with yet.

Spending time with people isn't always easy...but it is worth it!!

Hebrews 12:1-Therefore, since we are encompassed with such a great cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight and the sin that so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us.

Chapter 11 is referred as the Hall of Faith-God sightings for all the Old Testament characters.  This is the reference to the witnesses...but I am surrounded by a great cloud of witnesses today...my friends. We tell of the amazing life God has allowed us to live and encourage each other through our friendships.

Make sure you have your calendar handy the next time you leave the house so you can schedule your friendship action plan. You'll be glad you did!

a visit to the Butler museum of American art

today i had the chance to visit one of the treasures of Youngstown, The Butler Museum of American Art. i love art...all kinds....contemporary, expressionism, impressionism, sculpture, cartooning, conceptualism, digital, fantasy, carving, avant garde, glass work, metal work, landscapes, photographs, coloring book pages, macaroni, graffiti,drawings, folk art, pointillism, postmodern, portraits, street art, textiles, velvet Elvis, wire art...... I'm at  loss for all of the genres from art history class all of those years ago.

i was reminded of one of my favorite periods was that of the impressionists. the idea that you can leave the interpretation of the work up to the viewer.. impressions are powerful. when i was in music school, i would bring my lunch to the impressionism room and lose myself for a while.

(morning n the seine, claude monet)

i have been thinking so much lately of how others may view me without really knowing what is going on. there have been many stories said of me.

some think impressionism is ugly because there's a blur in the view. some think it to be fabulous due the blurred lines. some imagine entire stories from the lack of detail in the work.

i am so reminded that we should never ever let impressions guide our view of people. don't take a view of blurred lines to create a story in the life of those around you.

be true to who you are.
     be honest about your hurts.
          when conflict arises, engage with healthy boundaries.
               when waves come in to blur the footprints in the sand, stand strong.

defend those who are having their stories blurred by others....

 speak the truth in love

He is faithful.

I entrust my spirit into Your hand. Rescue me, Lord, for You are faithful. Psalm 31:5

I am leading our kids ministry in the "Experiencing God" study for 8 weeks. I led kids in this teaching many years ago and felt this group of kids would grow from it. The main concept of the study is that God is working all around us and wants us to join Him in what He is doing.  In each of the series I bring to the kids, I try to ask God to show up in my life with practical experiences I can draw from to show the kids how He works.

Yep. I did just that....

I prayed for God to move in a particular way about 4 weeks ago. I've been struggling with a piece of my life that needed correction and I couldn't fix it on my own.   I knew that He was going to do it, too.  I figured He was going to use me in that move, but I had no idea how that would look.  He is faithful through it all.

Oh my! The way God was moving became particularly difficult on my part. What was happening hurt so much. It was so hard to understand and follow. I continued to ask God to move and I got a bit of vision regarding what He was doing. I felt His peace, that He had the entire situation in His plan.

But the next time I was to face this situation, I think the Earth stopped rotating for a moment and  my rotation accelerated about 10 times. Boy, I hit the ground and wall over and over again. I was devastated by what was happening to me. I called out to the Lord, "I've been faithful. I've done all that You have asked of me. I can't believe how You are making this turn out, Lord. I asked You to move...." and then it hit me. God can do whatever He wants to to make it work out for His good.

After the Earth's and my rotation got in sync a few hours later, I had a visit with counselor. This meeting had been scheduled 2 weeks prior to the day of devastation. I sat in the waiting room and a Bible verse came across the monitor: "I pray that God, the source of all hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in Him-Romans 15:13." Just so happens that one of my favorites. I said it to myself and tried to embrace this truth Paul prayed 2 thousand years ago.

Then the counselor came out to meet me. The counselor talked to me about how this was a God-scheduled moment. From the scheduling of the appointment, to the timing of her life schedule, to the similarity of my experience to an experience she had...the whole thing was set up by my Papa. Oh, how He loves me! She talked to me practically and helped me to see the reality in front of me.  I left the office with red eyes, but a heart that would make it to the next beat and the next beat....

The following day my heart was still in immense pain and I would have loved to live under the covers for the next portion of my life. Alas, I had an early morning appointment for a nerve test at the hospital. Up and at 'em!

There weren't many cars in the parking deck this early in the day. As I got out of my car to walk toward the hospital, a woman got out of her car and said, "Could you help me?" I looked around to see if she was really talking to me. Then, I looked around to make sure I wasn't about to be accosted (I usually have no fear, but I was not walking in my full strength.) She asked me to help her hook the back of her shirt by her neck. The hook had turned around.  I helped her out and she talked to me as we walked toward the hospital in safety. :)

She told me she was a hospital chaplain and began to ask me some personal questions. I felt my heart hurt as I tried to stay out of this conversation. All I wanted to do was get back in the car and drive home. She noticed I was a bit shaken up and changed the direction of the conversation. She shared the church she belongs to and my mind drifted back to the conversation. I replied that this was the church where I gave my life to Jesus and got the call to ministry. And then I broke a little more. She stopped and pulled me in so tight. She prayed a simple, powerful prayer over me that caused the Heavens to open up and I had a new peace flow over me. My heart still felt broken but I knew that God was working in me.

We parted ways and I headed up to my test. Oh....the test was horribly painful. I got home and took action to deal with physical pain. It was a good thing this test happened the day it did because it caused me to forget all about my heart ache as I felt the physical pain from the test.

The next day was better. I had a bit of clarity over the situation. My physical pain was a little less. I asked God to show up in all of this-to help to turn what Satan wanted to use for evil and destruction and make God's faithfulness shine so bright. I was able to spend a previously scheduled day with my mom.

I didn't share with her what was happening, but a mom knows when her kid is hurting. I shared about life not looking like I thought it would. Discouragement had shown up but I was going to practically try to walk through it.  Then, we picked out new carpeting for her house and I got her a beautiful begonia for Mother's Day.

I got home and was exhausted after my long day with her. I laid on the bed for a few minutes before I had to face this situation again.  Just then, I know the Holy Spirit spoke to my heart and gave me clarity and new vocabulary to define the situation.  This made all the difference! This gave hope to my situation. It brought blessing instead of death. It gave me a way to see a different end to this story.

When I shared the new vocabulary with all who were involved, a light went on.  A peace entered the room and the strife disappeared. God is faithful. He can illuminate a hope during the trial and bring healing to the hopeless.

From the counseling appointment and counselor to the hospital chaplain to the pain of the nerve test to my previously scheduled day with mom, God had it all in His hands. He was comforting me through it all even though the pain was all around. He is faithful.

The situation isn't completely resolved at this time. It is a process for all involved. I know that God is working in this situation. He is faithful.

I am not interested in sharing all the details with you because the details don't matter What matters is that God is always working around us and wants us to join Him in what He is doing.  He hears our prayers. We need to be looking all around to see where to join Him. He wants to work it through us. He chooses us to be part of His great big plan.  He is faithful!

Empty

Empty.

Not inferred.

Empty to be filled.

Cleansed of the residue of hurt, failure, lies, deceit and death.

Empty to be filled with new foliage to flourish, bringing beauty and becoming strong. 

Weathering the storm. Withstanding the wind. 

To be molded and potted as the Potter chooses. 

May the blooms of this season bring about a nectar so sweet it is incomparable to any ever before.

May His presence make a sweet fragrance unlike any ever experienced.

Empty.

current

sharing my thoughts in the past months has been too overwhelming. I think I've got it under control. my revelation as of late is that every season seems to be a season of transition. there are very few moments of staying still....

one of my favorite things to watch is the current of water...streams, rivers, ocean...give me water and I feel at home,

there is life in the current...there is constant life in the movement in the water,,,life fails to flourish in the lack of the current.

the thought of losing life because of the lack of current is of absolutely no interest to me, help me, o Lord, to continue to tread in the current & not to be swept away. help me to always long for the season You have for me. help me to have no fear. help me to have the courage to tread, swim & be immersed in Your water.

the Spirit and the Bride say "come." let anyone who hears this say "come." let anyone who is thirsty come. let anyone who desires drink freely of the water of life.-Revelation 22:17

love by decision, not reaction

This morning, as I read Spurgeon's Morning and Evening, the focus verse was Hosea 3:1.  "Go again, love a woman who is loved by a lover and is committing adultery, just like the love of the Lord for the children of Israel who look to other gods and love the raisin cakes of the pagan."

The take away for me is I am to love by decision, not reacting to emotions I am encountering in the moment.  God said, "Hosea, love Gomer. Don't take revenge on her betrayal."

Ouch!!!! I felt that 2x4 to my backside.  Fact:  I've been feeling betrayed as of late. Feeling:  I know that I've been letting my actions show less than love. 

Then, my niece shared a thought from her devotion this morning and it captured the rest of my heart.  1 John 2:5-6  "But those who obey God's word truly show how completely they love Him. That is how we know we are living in Him. Those who say they live in God should live as Jesus did."

Wham!!! That one was a humdinger! Guess it's time to get over myself and move forward. I still feel angry. The justice side of me wants to make my list with bullet points to take to the mediator. The Holy Spirit is saying He will take care of this because only He can change the situation. Only I can change my attitude.

Help me, Lord, to move past the feelings of betrayal. No one is perfect, me especially. I know there is perfect peace in Your plan. Help me to surrender my need for justice. Help me to see past the "raisin cake" and see You working in the midst of the commotion.  I need to factor in the truth of obeying You is the result you seek. I need to live as You lived, Jesus. Help me to walk in Your love, not emotion."

look forward 2 corinthians 4:18

While we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen. For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not are eternal. 2 Corinthians 4:18

Spurgeon wrote in Morning and Evening, "...see past death's river, the gloomy stream forded, the hills of light attained on which stands the celestial city..."

What an encouraging word to me today in the midst of the discouragement and defeat I have been wading in as of late. Thank you, Lord, for this reminder today. I know I have hope. I am tired and weary and broken, but I have hope.

Maxwell says, "Success has less to do with gifts than perspective. Paul tells us never lose heart; progress isn't always visible; our struggle develops us; we must fix our eyes on the unseen; the importance of the eternal realm far exceeds the visible one." I must paint a big picture.

When I've been trying to survive day to day, I sometimes lose sight of the big picture. I keep my head down and just keep pushing through. I believe it is time to pick up my head and look forward.

Mary kept all these things and pondered them in her heart...

Mary heard the story of the shepherds learning that Jesus had been born. They looked for the Messiah, Jesus, born in Bethlehem. Strangers were visiting her in the barn where she delivered her baby. Angels told of His birth.  Luke 2:19 says "but Mary kept all these things in her heart and thought about them often."

I've been reading Spurgeon's Morning & Evening this year. In the January 27 entry for evening, Spurgeon writes, "There was an exercise, on the part of this blessed woman, of three powers of her being: her memory-she kept all these things; her affections-she kept them in her heart; her intellect-she pondered them; so that memory, affection and understanding were all exercised about the things which she had heard."

I can't even imagine not talking about the AWESOME things Mary experienced in this time of her life. I realize no one would really be able to connect to what she was living out in these days. God's presence was so real around her. I mean, Mary was holding God in the form of a baby in her arms!  Most of the people in my world don't get it when I express God's presence being real in my life. They smile and politely nod.

I'm sure she heard the prophecies of what the Messiah would do in his life. I wonder if she knew of the ultimate life giving sacrifice He would share with all. Kept them in her heart...

When the troubled times come, I find myself pondering on the treasures I have experienced over the years...the words, the looks, the victorious moments. I don't expect others to understand my life. I may share what I'm going through in the moment. Saying it out loud makes it more real and helps me to take action on the troubles. But remembering what treasures He has shared with me on my journey gives me strength to move forward.

Everyone is wired in their own way. I cannot look to people in my life to understand my thoughts and emotions. My journey is exactly that...MY journey.  I don't want to do it alone. God didn't create us to journey alone. We need each other....  I realize that in the moments my mind needs to quiet, along with the Bible, the things I can ponder-the memories, affections and intellect-carry me through.

Spurgeon continues, "...make your heart the golden pot of manna to preserve the memorial of the heavenly bread whereon you have fed in days gone by. Let your memory treasure up everything about Christ which you have either felt, or known, or believed, and let your fond affections hold Him fast forevermore. Love the Person of your Lord! Bring forth the alabaster box of your heart, even though it be broken, and let all the precious ointment of your affection come streaming on His pierced feet. Let your intellect be exercised concerning the Lord Jesus. Meditate upon what you read; stop not at the surface: dive into the depths. If your spirit cannot compass the Lord Jesus in the grasp of understanding, let it embrace Him the arms of affection."

Lord, help me, in these days, when I feel disconnected and weary, to ponder the things You have given me for my journey. When I don't understand, help me to embrace You in affection. Help me to move past the hurt and resentment and bring my brokenness to You. Apply Your healing balm. Help me to remember Your provision of the past. Help me to just LOVE YOU LORD.

and so it begins...

2013 was a busy health year for my parents. We celebrated 75 years of life for my dad this past week. My mom's celebration is scheduled in 2 months.  Last year, dad was diagnosed with blood clots in his lungs. He had a head injury and the emergency room spotted the clots in a cat scan! He probably would have finished his time on earth if the clots weren't located. He battled through treatment and recovery. He seemed to be moving forward for a 74 year old man.  Then, mom found out she has breast cancer in September. What a shock! November brought about another episode for my dad with his blood clots. How grateful we are to have shared this holiday season together. I truly thought we would have been at his funeral before Thanksgiving...There are still some days ahead for all of us.




I just got notified mom's radiation treatment begins tomorrow. I don't want her to have to experience this awful thing! I guess she is stronger than I realize. I'm not sure why this is a surprise to me. Mike &  I gave her more of an emotional load to deal with than anyone ever should have to deal with.




2014:  a year of hope!  My hope is built on nothing less than Jesus blood and righteousness...the words ring clear and true in my ears.  None of what has happened in 2013 took God by surprise.  The blood of Jesus is what gives me the ability to walk in God's presence with a confidence to know He holds all of us in the palm of His hand.  His right hand is stronger than anything else in existence. I'm walking beside Him, putting my left (weak) hand into His right hand. 




The scars we bear are just a reminder that He has never left us through all the struggle and battle, the tears and the empty sighs.  I choose not to look at the scars through the pain, but through the moments I have peace & joy because of the amazing love God covers me in during the battle.  God never promised life would be without problem or struggle when I chose to follow Him. 

Psalm 121

I look up to the mountains— does my help come from there? My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth!  He will not let you stumble; the one who watches over you will not slumber. Indeed, he who watches over Israel never slumbers or sleeps. The Lord himself watches over you! The Lord stands beside you as your protective shade. The sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon at night. The Lord keeps you from all harm and watches over your life. The Lord keeps watch over you as you come and go, both now and forever.

Lord, You wrote out the story of my family a long time ago. I know You want no harm to come to us. Sickness is just one of those things that is part of living in this broken world. Thanks for never leaving us through these days. I thank you for giving us the strength to not just survive but to overcome!  Thank you for watching over us as we come and go. 

The cheese stands alone

This morning (-8 degrees) Tony headed to sunny California (75 degrees) for a business trip for 3 days. Last night the water stopped flowing through the pipes. He left me here to deal with it. Tonight with a dramatic flourish a pipe burst. I wish I could say I'm bursting with joy...

The piles of things seem to be piling up around me all over the place. One good thing in the midst of the storm, I'm sure I'm in the place I need to be at right now.

The challenge with the piles is not to be overwhelmed and discouraged as they continue to grow. Boy, I wish I could control this! I'm breathing in and out slowly. I'm working hard to keep an attitude of thanksgiving. I have been pretty crabby today...

It feels like I'm in it alone, although I know I'm not. Sure, Tony packed his swim trunks...I'm psyching myself up to go through my waterlogged treasures.

Isaiah 41:13 I, The Lord your God, hold your right hand and say to you, "Do not fear. I will help you."

I like that God says he is holding my right hand. Being right handed, He's taking on my weaker side as He holds my right hand. Through this He's teaching me to live in victory through the battle.

somebody sat on me again!

As Mia Thermopolis is revealed to the audience in "The Princess Diaries", she is in the school courtyard...a student sits on her, not even aware of her presence.  She tells her friend, Lilly, "Somebody sat on me again."

I felt like that today. I know I'm not invisible. I know that I am making a mark on this world, doing the very thing I was created by my CREATOR to do... But the idea of people sitting on me is no less painful. Sometimes the "sitting" is when people scream awful untruths at me in their insecurity and others lash out  because they need to move on in the world but are unwilling to do so...these past 13 months have been filled with this. I'm tired...

Then the Lord reminded me of Psalm 121...

Psalm 121 The Message (MSG)  A Pilgrim Song

121 ^1-2 I look up to the mountains;
    does my strength come from mountains?
No, my strength comes from God,
    who made heaven, and earth, and mountains.

^3-4 He won’t let you stumble,
    your Guardian God won’t fall asleep.
Not on your life! Israel’s
    Guardian will never doze or sleep.

^5-6 God’s your Guardian,
    right at your side to protect you—
Shielding you from sunstroke,
    sheltering you from moonstroke.

^7-8 God guards you from every evil,
    he guards your very life.
He guards you when you leave and when you return,
    he guards you now, he guards you always.

 

I wish I knew what moonstroke is...does it hurt like sunburn?

 

Well...I am thrilled to know that God never sleeps in the midst of any of my troubles! God is on this (that's me!) pilgrim's journey! So, I guess it never takes God by surprise that someone sat on me again. Thanks, God, for the sighting of you in my life. This brings me peace & joy in the midst of the trial.

the center

My washing machine has an old fashioned agitator in it. It is the center of all that happens in my washing machine. It moves the water, soap & clothes around. It is what makes the whole thing work!  Without the agitator, my laundry isn't quite the same. I use it to measure where the load is laid.  When the balance of the machine is off, the whole thing tries to move across my floor, like in the movie, Mr. Mom. 

1 Kings 8:56-58  May he keep us centered and devoted to him, following the life path he has cleared, watching the signposts, walking at the pace and rhythms he laid down for our ancestors.-The Message.

In the windy journey I've faced, I find myself thankful Jesus is my center. Debris has been kicked up in my face & has tried to hit me from behind.  I will not be distracted from the rhythm God has created in my life. I will walk according to the pace He has set.

The rhythm consists of prayer, bible meditation & study, serving others, spending time with my friends & family. The pace varies in seasons. Lately the pace has been rapid and hard.

I continue to put my life in God's hands.  He must be the center...Sunday I was reminded by Lauren, a 6th grader, as I was recanting the tale of Joshua and the day the sun stood still. I made the remark that the sun stopped moving...and she quizzically said, "Doesn't the Earth move around the sun?" 

Thanks, Lauren, for reminding me what is at the center of everything!

Lord, when I am underequipped for what I am experiencing, help me to remember that you are my Center, my Balance, my Rhythm. You speak to me that I may hear what pace to take, what words to say, what part of the burden to pick up and what part to surrender.  Thank you so much that I am not in this alone! Help me to remember the signposts that have been posted in the past and look for the signposts of today!

a little bit of a distraction...

I haven't written here in such a long time, although I've been old school writing in a spiral notebook because my writings were a bit more personal than I felt comfortable revealing. My journey these past months have been testing my ability to stay focused on the tasks set before me.  And the latest distraction is happening today.

Wednesday, I went to a quarterly doctor checkup to look into the fibroids I have growing in me for the past 19 months.  I have them tended to every 3 months. Last September, I had surgery to remove them.  They keep returning.  Doc said to me this one can't be dealt with in the office, must be surgically removed as soon as possible.  My head spins for a moment and I catch myself. No need to worry until they give you something to worry about. I've been in this situation before.  I'm not going to be distracted by this.  I'll deal with it as it comes.

I had decided to keep this event quiet because people tend to react to my distraction as if it is their distraction.  I know others love and care for me, but in my line of work, people look to me for counsel and I can't carry them through my distraction.  Then, others made this part of my life public yesterday...so I share some of my thoughts here.

I head to surgery this afternoon.  My schedule has been uprooted for this week, which is a distraction for me.  I'll find out to what degree my schedule will be uprooted for the future next week, which is a distraction for me. 

I'm glad to know that this distraction will not take me off of the path that has been laid out before me, before I was born.  I know there is a plan and a purpose for this season. I want to stay focused on who I am through this season.  I know there can be some beauty in this distraction.  I'm anxiously awaiting the great reveal of this one!

I focus on Romans 15:13 (which I have shared with so many of my friends in difficult times this summer) I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in him. Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit.

I am confident with hope and I do have peace...except the unsure feeling that the nurse putting in the IV can find the right place to start it all...ugh

 

chaos & faith

The fundamental fact of existence is that this trust in God, this faith, is the firm foundation under everything that makes life worth living. It’s our handle on what we can’t see. The act of faith is what distinguished our ancestors, set them above the crowd. Hebrews 11:1 (the message)

This season has been so crazy! Changes and challenges have been around every corner, looming over me, trying to trip me, causing me to have moments of extraordinary doubt....if I could go back a year and make some other decisions...sometimes it feels like chaos, but somehow there's peace.

Yesterday, a friend told me that I like to live in chaos. Sigh....I don't like to live there, nor do I want to live there. Yes, sometimes, there are messes around me-some I create and some that others create or leave behind.  My commitment says I will do my best to keep things moving in the direction that God guides me in.
January 2012 I agreed to help bring some leadership to family ministry at our church...February 2012 I agreed to help lead the board of local inner city ministry...I made a commitment to God for a year of leading these areas and then we would reevaluate. The year has come up and I feel I've done my job, but the work of leading isn't done.  The jobs have gotten bigger than I ever imagined. Other leaders have stepped away and I find myself asking God, "Why didn't you let me know about all of this in the beginning of my commitment? Am I really the person You want to use to do this?" 

Interestingly enough, at the time these separate scenarios came up, I was partnered with a wonderful couple for encouragement for this season.  They are so encouraging and empowering! She likes to share mementos with me.  The first surprise I received is the a small desk plaque about faith (the picture above).  I put it on my makeshift desk so I could see it every time I put myself in the office.  It's amazing how much this scripture has become my mantra throughout this season of change.  I know this couple had no idea what would be facing us in this season of change, which at times has felt like chaos.  Their faith has been extended to me and aides me to walk in a place of confidence and peace.

Sometimes the job is so big that I can't tend to every single detail and make everything look like I have it in control. This is okay. Life is messy. People create messes. God is perfect, not me. If I don't have the plan completely marked out, I have faith that God will guide through -no matter what. That's why I am really inspired by the Message version of Hebrews 11:1-faith is the firm foundation under everything that makes life worth living. It’s our handle on what we can’t see. 

I think faith in God is the way we can keep moving forward when we see the messes that we can't manage.  I love living the life I have the privilege of living! I hope you find yourself in a place of loving your life. I cannot wait to see how God makes all of these situations happen so that He can receive the honor and the glory of working it out! God equips us!

Thanks so much, God, for placing encouragement (my most excellent encouragers!) along the journey!  You keep my faith alive and enable me to keep working at the tasks set before me.  This is what makes life worth living!

By the way, I'm not accepting the word of chaos over my life.  I searched out the biblical use of the word "chaos" and found it to signify an abyss or destruction.  I do not believe that I live in that place.  I live in the land of the living!

i've never been perfect

Matthew 5:48 But you are to be perfect, even as your Father in heaven is perfect.

this verse always throws me off.
perfect ...flawless ...superlative ...accomplished... absolute ...faultless ...finished ...ideal ...bleh!

sometimes i feel so unprepared and unskilled to live life.  i wonder if there are cells missing from my brain that cause me to be able to finish things.  whether i poop out, quit, or shut down-well, I'm not sure. completing the task would seem to be the perfect thing to do. but one more time i fall short of perfection.

this weekend, tony headed out for his fall camping trip. he loves to sleep outside, walk in the wondrous color of the trees, admire the stars, & cook over the fire.  i decided that i would attack my office and get it organized while he is away filling up on creation.  yesterday, i started to move bins out into the hallway. i emptied my filing cabinets-the drawers stick. i put up some file bins on some shelves. then i looked around and realized this organizing technique would work for a lot of my piles of stuff, so i put up another shelf.  28 hours later, i don't want to do this anymore. there are still bins in the hallway. the empty filing cabinets are in the bedroom, there is stuff to load in the truck for the dumpster and tony is coming home tomorrow. for the record, i did not spend the entire 28 hours in this room...i had other things to work on, too.

i find myself getting negative and desperate with my self talk. i am reminded that this above listed verse is not just about being perfect like God is...it is a verse that speaks to the previous verses of loving your neighbor and your enemies. Jesus is saying to love others like God loves them. The other stuff we get focused on gets us out of balance.

Sometimes i can be my own worst enemy. i know to watch my self talk. i know to put on music when i get overwhelmed and discouraged. i know to reach out to a friend and ask for help...but i don't. thankfully, i get the chance to get a little more perfect tomorrow and the next day and the next day.

when you feel like you don't measure up, for whatever reason...don't look at the pile of what is left (which i would like to refer to as the old me)...look at the work that has been done (which i would like to refer to as the new me).


we are all a work in progress. let's work together to make tomorrow a little more perfect than today! a little more sublime, superb, & splendid! (yes, i know how to use the thesaurus!)

I'm thankful for the drumsticks

Saturday August 25 was Tony & my 17th wedding anniversary. I am thankful for the life we have built and the adventure we are on.

I met Tony on a January Sunday in 1994. It was a very informal introduction by a mutual friend, Al. I was not looking for a date...I had been pretty discouraged with dating and had taken a year off from dating. No problem.

Then in late November Tony showed up at Heart Reach for Super Kids. Al asked him to play drums for our music set. Tony looked around and could find no drumsticks. He told me he would get me some. I didn't really believe him. Many made promises and never followed through.

3 days later, there was a knock on the office door. Tony was standing there holding a bouquet of drumsticks. He said, "some guys bring candy. Some bring flowers but I brought you drumsticks." Then he asked if I would go out with him sometime. I said yes.

Later when I thought about it, that date was a year to the day I made a commitment to take a year off from dating. I am thankful for the timing if God.

This is why I'm thankful for the drumsticks!

10 focused on the giants & 2 remembered the promise

Long ago I promised the ancestors of Israel that I would give this land to their descendants. So be strong and brave! Be careful to do everything my servant Moses taught you. Never stop reading The Book of the Law he gave you. Day and night you must think about what it says. If you obey it completely, you and Israel will be able to take this land. (JOSHUA 1:6 CEV)

Recently I've been struggling with the places I know I'm supposed to serve. There have been trials and battles and roadblocks. I know I am supposed to hang in there and be obedient. Sometimes it's just so hard.

Last night I got to engage in a worship service where the point were to hear God's direction, be obedient and He would do the impossible. I so very much want to see God change lives all around me! So I made a new commitment that no matter what happens around me I will be obedient to what He has asked me to.

A friend came to pray with me and give an encouraging word-remember when the 12 spies went to the promised land-12 saw giants and 2 decided to look also at what God promised. They still saw the giants but they didn't focus in them. They focused on the promise of God.

Then today's verse of the day came up, which just happens to be my life verse, which is listed above. It is the matching orders given by God to Joshua to enter the Promised Land-be strong and courageous wherever you go!

I will focus on the promise not the giant! Thank you God!

3 month checkup on Tuesday

hide and seek, here I come...come out come out where ever you are...where is my phone...who left this mess...all statements I've heard regarding looking for something or someone. the first two take me back to summer nights of hide and seek. the last two...well, we've all been there :)

three months ago, I sat at the surgeon's office waiting for some results. I had found 3 lumps in my breast and had the typical procedure done.  Doctor looked at me at eye level and said "the report was not showing anything out of the ordinary, but I want you to come in for 3 month ultrasounds for a while so that when it shows up we can deal with it quickly".....blank stare from me..."do you have any questions?", he asked. "uh...hmmm...you didn't see anything out of the ordinary?"..."the report does not show anything at this time. we just want to make sure we catch it right away when it shows up."

I was not expecting to hear something like that from a doctor-a good report, but yet we'll be watching for the bad one. I walked away from this one a little dazed. I deal with medical issues every day. I've never had a doctor tell me we'll be watching so that when the problem arises, we'll get it. It is usually dealing with it once there is a problem.

Now, I only told a couple of people about the doc's comments about getting it when it shows up. I didn't feel I should make myself a terminal case. People look at you different when you tell them stuff like this.  But I started to think how good it is that doc has this outlook.  He and I are just getting to know each other.

How often do we get involved in relationships that we don't keep our eyes open so that when something shows up, we can deal with it quickly? Don't we tend to keep our mouths shut and then find ourselves talking about it to others or condemning them when it gets out of hand? When Jesus said to "love one another" I think He wanted us to care enough about those around us to help each other out of trouble before we get there.

so to sum this up-start talking to those in your life about what is happening and how it affects life...if someone talks to you about you, let your pride have a 10 minute break and really look at the situation...and decide to love each other even if you choose to disagree!

btw, there is a history of breast cancer in my family, I do have some of the markers on the checklist. But, I'm not worried about this. I am treating it like anything else in my life-trusting God. Everything is possible with God-Mark 10:27

royal family kids epiphany

Royal Family Kids, RFK, is a not for profit organization that provides opportunities for kids in the foster care system. These kids may be shuffled through different homes and centers throughout the years. It's a rough life for children to have to live because the adults in their lives make poor choices or leave them.

Last year, I had the privilege to serve as the teacher, which is the equivalent of being the speaker of the camp. There were some guidelines I needed to be sure to follow, but it was very similar to other camps or retreats I have ministered at.  I really enjoyed my time with these kids and team members.  When I was asked if I would consider doing it again, I quickly smiled and said "Yes!"

Today, when the kids pulled up in the buses and the team cheered for them as they planted on the campground, I was overwhelmed with the thought of how these kids are an unreached people group in our communities.

All foster care homes or centers are not designed for the benefit for the child. All foster parents are not equipped for reaching these bruised children. All foster care providers do not have a Jesus centered life.  My grandmother was a foster child. Her mother died when she was young and her father put her in an orphanage. I don't quite understand why this was the case because she had older brothers and sisters who could have taken care of her.  But she had the blessing of being placed in a Jesus centered foster home where she learned to play the piano, went to worship on Sundays with her "family" and was taken care of to the best of their abilities.

As I looked into the eyes of these kids, I wondered if they will be able to overcome the emotional upheaval in their lives if Jesus doesn't intervene so very soon.  This is where Royal Family Kids comes in.  I have a dream....

I'd like to see us sponsor the Royal Family Kids life for Mahoning County foster care kids! This is an amazing opportunity for the "big brother/big sister" concept to happen once a month and once a year kids could get away from the angst of life and just be a kid for 5 days!  Let's really take the concept of pastoring our community and reach into these kids lives with the love of Jesus.

We talk about living in community, but it's a different level to reach into a culture that is foreign to us. Let's love on some kids and their foster families. Let's live authentically and feed the orphans and widows.  It will take time , people, and money-the big three, but I believe this is from the heart of God.

I can't wait to see what happens through this week for the kids and for me! I know I won't leave this place the same as I got here...that's the way I like it!

Jesus, help us to see something outside of our regular life, friends, and family. Let us see into the eyes of young soul with the insight you see. Let us give of ourselves and change the world for you. Amen.